I promised someone I would continue working on my latest blog post tonight and post it. But I left my laptop at work, forgetting the document was started, opened and not saved on that computer and not the one at home. So then I started writing another post, same topic, from scratch and I hate it. Sitting in front of my computer in my sister’s old childhood room that has now doubled as my home office as of late unable to muster enough creativity to write something.
I used to be a night writer. Didn’t matter what the topic, as soon as sunset hit I could make these fingers type like nobody’s business about nothing in particular (although topics usually varied from school, the opposite sex, friendships and work among others) and everything in between.
Now, I feel as though I’m out of practice, out of habit and completely drained emotionally out of fear that I’m not pleasing enough people, not enough people care to even be pleased or that nothing’s ever good enough for me to share anymore. It’s a realization that I come to every time I sit down, ready to write. I think it comes from the fact that I sometimes creep over to my old writings and re-read the words that poured out of me, the feelings that overwhelmed me and judge my past self.
I find now, that the words free-flow out of me in the mornings, when the sun is shining and the world seems to be my oyster – a brand new beginning every day. Not that I’ve been so eager to get up early and type away in the mornings, but still. My life has changed me into somewhat of a morning person; if I can just find that motivation every day to get up early I’d be set. It was there for a while and somehow it faded (I’m sure the lure of website designing 24/7 had something to do with it) but it’s creeped back up with the presence of a new office location and a resounding sense of relaxation following my trip to Mexico last week.
So I’m sure the writing will eventually become more habitual, frequent and (let’s hope) more inspiring in the near future.
Next stop, gym.
2 Responses to “just in the mornings.”
Leave a Reply
Hiya! It’s been ages, but I woke up this morning at around 8 a.m. thinking that I hadn’t blogged in such a long time. Then I thought of how great it was to read your posts!
Funny, I feel the same way now about posting. Like there’s nothing terribly interesting to write. And if I do write, it takes a lot of effort. I also no longer stay up pouring emotions onto the screen. Working has definitely turned me into…well…I wouldn’t say a morning person, because I hate getting up…but a must-get-up sort of person.
Anyway, good to visit with your for a bit!
do you still believe in so much anonymity?
sometimes i feel like i know you and you just don’t want to tell me!
i hope things are going well for you, and i take the lack of posts to mean that as the both of us used to only write while upset. so lack of posting is supposed to be a good thing. i just recently checked your blog again, actually. i miss your poetry!