SIMPLY ELABORATE blog

Posts Tagged ‘discovery’

After a long day on Friday, I went to Vecchio Frak on College for an Italian Meet Up. Now, before you go thinking I participated in some sort of Speed Dating (although, I am planning on attending one of those and blogging about it) event, it wasn’t. Instead, it was a meet up for lovers of the Italian language who wanted to meet other people with a love of Italian. Seeing as how I can manage with my meagre Italian on most days, provided I have my co-conversationalists speak very slowly and I’m allowed ample time to conjugate verbs in my mind before speaking, I wasn’t too worried about holding my own at the meet up.

Unfortunately, my nerves kicked in and I felt largely unprepared for what felt like a big test. Simple words I’ve known my whole life escaped me and I was left sitting there, my mind blank, nervous. However, unlike other Italian outings my heritage finds myself in – where I am called out by old Italian men at my lack of knowledge on the language, despite my father being so heavily involved in the promotion of Italy in general – I was encouraged, assisted and complimented on the fact that I was even there. It definitely created a sense of relief at in my attendance. The feelings didn’t help my lack of knowledge on the language, though. You see, when you’re meeting people for the first time and tell them stories about things that have happened in your life – you use a lot of past tense. Oh the past tense, a lovely new set of verbs, conjugation (or as I like to call them – “word endings”) and irregular verbs that have to be memorized in addition to everything else. Past tense wasn’t a unit I excelled in in my Italian classes. Mostly because I didn’t take Italian classes long enough throughout university to even get to them. Every two words, it felt like, I had to stop and ask what a word meant in Italian and how to conjugate it and then figure out if it was a dialect or proper Italian. Prompting me to hardly remember what the story I was telling was about in the first place.

At around ten, my friend and I left and ended up taking in Hemingways in Yorkville for a drink and ended up sharing life stories – which can seem pretty amazing and crazy when you’re summing them up in five minute intervals. We patrolled the surroundings to judge whether there were cute boys or not (yes and no) and dared each other to create random conversations with the ones who proved to be the most endearing at first glance.

We failed. Mostly, though, because of laziness. Getting into our old age, we were both afraid of sparking conversations with cute boys because my Heineken was making me yawn and her boyfriend kept texting to ask what time she was coming over. It proved to be a different night than most of the ones I’ve had lately – and for that I was grateful.

Grateful to be included in such an evening that didn’t feel adolescent, drama filled or weird. It was random, but randomly planned.

And it was nice.

I’m trying to figure out a lot about my life right now, while simultaneously just trying to live in the moment and accept it as it comes. Do you know how hard that is to do when you’ve diagnosed yourself as a Type A personality with a hint of Attention Deficit Disorder combined with this overwhelming desire to somehow make up for the last two years of my life being spent in oblivion?

I feel like the days are flying by and somehow at the end of them, I am getting things accomplished and yet I don’t seem to find any satisfaction in any of it – and then, of course, I start to wonder why. My Type A personality tells me I’m not doing enough, every moment spent in “down time” is precious time wasted that I could have been producing something, creating something else and thinking about doing even more. The realist in me tries to take a step back, relax and realize that while going out for Thai dinner with a friend, it’s completely okay that I’ve left my BlackBerry in the car. Completely okay.

What am I addicted to, I wonder. What is so important about receiving an email as soon as it arrives in my inbox at 8 pm? It’s not like I can really do much at that time until I get to a computer. I mean, I can – but it’ll usually involve an apologetic process to whomever I’m with about how it’s work and I can’t let it go. When the truth is, I can let it go, I just choose not to because I think I feel a certain sense of importance at the fact that I’m needed in a work capacity after regular business hours. How insane. Who even cares? If they care, the person/people I’m with, it’ll be that I’m being rude, not important! I know this, yet I check the message anyway.

I need a balance. And I wonder why this balance doesn’t come naturally to me. My birthday is October 1st – smack dab in the middle of the Libra, the astrological sign of balance. So why can’t I concentrate on doing one thing at a time? Loving one thing at a time? Experiencing one thing at a time? Can I control my life enough to create that? Is that something one can do – I can do?

I’m so addicted to being in the know. I need to be in the know. With news – local, national and world – with whatever social media site I’m viewing, technology, bestsellers, movies, music, sports and people. I’m left to wonder, am I tapping into my old high school self? The one who felt a constant need to fit in and therefore “love” everything so I always had something to talk about with a new face. I’m excited for knowledge, learning and education – but every day, with every piece of knowledge – I wonder where the hell it all goes!

Or … is it a reason for a lack of total productivity and procrastination?

It’s been a weird feeling, these last few days of being in Boston. I’m getting the rest of the week ready as I have about a billion errands to do the second I get up tomorrow morning, resetting my phone up to work in Canada after basically having to erase every money-inducing feature of it while roaming in the States and fixing up a little to-do list for the next phase in my life.

I’ve also realized that my fixed expenses for every month has taken a turn for the worse and it looks like I’m going to be returning to “three-job-emilia” to keep up as a part of me is a bit apprehensive over what the heck I’m going to do, especially with the Christmas season coming. The other part of me wants to go …. Relax, like usual, it’ll all work out because it always does.

Perhaps I just begin to feel like this because I tend to listen to nostalgic and depressing music while I wait to board my plane. Habit. But what are you gonna do?

The thing I know is, I can’t believe how much I learned while on this trip. Not only about being a sales person, or an event coordinator, or even a planner. I learned so much about the United States, and if anybody knows me, they’ll know me as a 100% Canadian supporter and very skeptical of anything US related (whoops, did I say that?). The thing is, after being here for five weeks, not touring one specific city but actually experiencing the workforce here, albeit a tiny glimpse, I have a bit of a changed view. The amount of people I spoke to, the information I received on how their own people view others in the same country proved to be half-patriot and half-separatist. I found it extremely interesting.

I also found it amazing the vast amount of metropolis cities and realizing that, coming from a country that basically has three or four major cities that people can immigrate to and actually make a decent living, my view on the US was a bit biased. Okay, I already knew that, but my mind was opened a tiny bit. You really can go anywhere you want and start from scratch and make it. You have about a billion choices. Fifty choices, actually, because every state has a major city with a “headquarters” of some sort, a division and it’s probably roughly a two to three hour drive from the neighbouring state, and cheap to fly to.

It surprised me. I even have a new view on the health care system. Don’t get me wrong, it still is ridiculous that more than 11 million people don’t have health care but, boy was it interesting to see the difference in opinion depending on what state I was in.

I learned a lot of things from a lot of people on this trip. I didn’t learn all of them on day one, or day …. thirty three? I learned them from those close to me, far, ones I’d just met – everyone.

And that was pretty exciting and scary. And really, extremely … humbling.

“You’all,” I say in a pronounced, half-mocking southern drawl as I walked out of the Palmer’s Bar and Courtyard in San Marcos, Texas on the warmest Thursday evening I’ve ever experienced in late October.

“It’s ya’ll – say it!” I get reprimanded from one of the lovely ladies I’ve met through this wonderful travelling experience that hasn’t picked up on my sarcastic tone.

“Ya ya, okay – here I go, ‘ya’ll” I manage to spew out between Bloody Mary induced giggles (I have resorted to drinking extra spicy Bloody Mary’s here, nobody in the US can make a Caesar – half don’t even know what Clamato juice is).

“And do you wanna know what the plural for ‘ya’ll’ is?” She asks while I begin to answer her with ya’lls in mind. “All ya’ll,” she bursts out, as if she’s making fun of her own accent, her peoples own accent.

“It’s not the land of the grammatically correct now is it?” I question.

“Well, honey, Bush came from here – what do you think?” She replies.

I probably would have laughed at her liberal-esque comment but I then became so entranced with the random bamboo growing on the side of the restaurant that I completely forgot, and just walked away from her.

“Do they not have bamboo in Canada or something?” The other woman laughed after the group had now begun to wait for me while I attempted to grab a good bamboo shot on my BlackBerry’s camera.

“No, that’s the point!” I shouted back.

Finally, they managed to get me in the SUV that was carpooling us back to our hotel – the lovely Embassy Suites in San Marco, Texas. Finally a good night out on a whirlwind of a tour that started God knows how long ago because I’m just so frazzled when it comes time for “what day is it?”

But I guess that is the life of a travelling businesswoman!

On such a brisk, yet sunny Autumn day, the lake was very calm and serene. It’s funny that things always seem different, relaxed and just when you’re away. It also seems that the second you return back to regular life, things are hectic, crazy and upsetting – all the time. The things that never seem to bother you when visiting Mother Nature now cause you to bite the side of your cheek when stressed, according to dentists.

What if I always lived next to a big, beautiful, turquoise lake? Would life always seem serene, or would the calm laps of water find some way to stress life out for me?