Posts Tagged ‘alberta’

I have felt as though my life has been in limbo for the past few months. I’ve called them “the prospecting months” as I’ve spent countless hours prospecting people, places, marketing agencies, advertising opportunities, events, networking, dates and places to live.

This weekend was jam packed of relaxing work – which sounds more oxymoron than it really is. I’m grabbing more control on my routine and lifestyle and getting into a groove – most days. I’ve been thinking about my life and future so much (even though I know I should only be thinking of the present) and I can’t believe it’s been almost four months since I left Calgary. It blows my mind how much my life has changed since driving east on Highway 1 (16th Ave) and not looking back on October 13th 2009.

After how much everyone’s life has changed since I left, I realize that my life may have been easier if I stayed in Calgary, but I would be internally torn inside with a lot of things in my life and the thought of moving back to Toronto would have become a bigger choice than it was when I left.

It may sound confusing, and truthfully, it is. But I’m still excited. I’m excited for a lot of things because every day, I think while driving home for work and categorically go down a list of all the things I’ve learned that day. That technique in itself was worth the move, the big break up, the separation of the things, the wear and tear on my car, the missing of my friends – everything. Because when I drove home or took the bus from my position in Calgary, I didn’t do that. I didn’t do anything even close to that. I was at a standstill, constantly looking at the bottom corner of my computer screen praying the time to fast forward to 4:30 pm. Every day.

For the first time in my life I’m working hard every single day because I have to. There is no room for slacking in this position because if I slack, I don’t get the feeling of a closing sale; I don’t get the internally proud feeling of accomplishment; I don’t get the satisfaction of knowing that I learned a new way to strengthen a bond or relationship.

I’m doing that, every single day. And because of that, I know that in ten years, when I look back on my 25th year, the year that I moved back from Calgary to begin a new chapter of my life – I’ll remember how I took charge of my life, refused the 9 – 5 job routine, took a beating, took a pay cut, took a new look at the word “humbled” and learned every single day.

That – I believe – is the most important thing.

I thought I would be more drained once I arrived in Minot, but strangely, I’m unable to really fathom that I’ve spent the last fourteen hours in a car. I say that, though, while passing on taking a dip in the wonderful water slides and pool this hotel has to offer because I just couldn’t be bothered to leave the hotel room. I even got a pizza delivered instead of going to the restaurant in the Sleep Inn, which was delicious.

I always seem to want to stay another day when I’m in a hotel room, especially one with a King Size bed. The rooms just seem so beautiful and like such a waste for only one night. But I guess that’s why people actually visit the places they go to, instead of merely driving through. I seem to be one that does that often – just drives through. Leaves before things become complacent.

At one point of my drive, I thought I’d be staying in Canada for a little while longer, after I couldn’t believe how scary it was at the border even though I had absolutely nothing to hide. They train those border guys well. Personally, I think he would have loved to go through all my belongings but there was a line forming behind me and my sweet angelic eyes proved my innocence. Alas, I made it through, ahead of schedule, even (I sped, a little – but speed limits are like 120KM here!)

Anyway, I made it. One third of the way to my new home, my old home, my old life turned into my new life. One third to the biggest change I’ve ever made. Way bigger than the one I made when I moved to Calgary two years ago.

Way bigger.

I had a wonderful dinner with my neighbour from across the hall last night, all the while wondering why on earth couldn’t we have bonded earlier! But I guess, such is the case when you’re moving and start to befriend everyone in your building in an effort to sell your things.

It was funny, speaking with someone who so clearly, vividly has gone through similar things and is living proof that you can make it out alive – and be having a great time as well. It made me feel a bit more confident with the big risk I’m about to take. And really excited, too.

lake louise, alberta

On such a brisk, yet sunny Autumn day, the lake was very calm and serene. It’s funny that things always seem different, relaxed and just when you’re away. It also seems that the second you return back to regular life, things are hectic, crazy and upsetting – all the time. The things that never seem to bother you when visiting Mother Nature now cause you to bite the side of your cheek when stressed, according to dentists.

What if I always lived next to a big, beautiful, turquoise lake? Would life always seem serene, or would the calm laps of water find some way to stress life out for me?

I’m in Calgary. I don’t feel like I’m in Calgary – but I am. I’m officially a “Mountainer” complete with my own time zone and such. It’s good, great. And yes, while it is cold, it seems to be manageable.

I found it funny that I haven’t been here more than 48 hours but I’ve already purchased my Christmas trip home ticket. Funny – but it needs to be done, as the flights sell out quickly.

I’m really excited to start work tomorrow – and I’m even more excited to get December over with, as it’ll be extremely hectic. I’m moving three more times before I settle into my fabulous apartment. So I’ll probably be tired all the time. It’s manageable, I think. Just a lot of moving around.

I’ve been looking into freelance writing opportunities via this old website I bookmarked and it was really exciting even looking at the possibilities – because a lot of them look promising. So many ideas are floating in my head, and have been, for a long time – I feel as though it’s about time I start getting them down on paper. I think I’m already planning my new year’s resolutions in a way. I’m committed at this new job for a year, at least. After that, I’m back to decision making, essentially – depending on whether or not I want to stay in Calgary or not – or try Toronto one more time. For now, I’m definitely happy with the decision I’ve made – and I’m not looking into the future too much – which was always my problem. My goals that I’m working on are all going to be about my career – this is the time I need to focus on it. This is what I came out here to do. An empty apartment and a full time job are just the things to help me with it as well. I’m so excited because I know I can do it. I’m picturing myself in my new place, typing away – researching away and most importantly – writing. I don’t need to promise I’m going to write more in jadingheart because I just have this feeling I won’t need to – I’ll be writing all the time.

There’s always something about a new place, an unfamiliar place, that has me writing all the time. It poses all these questions, all these wonderments, that I just can’t help it. I think that’s why I’ve finally figured out why my first year of university was full of excellent posts and intriguing questions (I think!) – because I was eager. So eager to do anything that afterwards, I kind of got a bit bored – and that wasn’t good.

This is me, not being bored. Doing something. Being someone. And figuring out what it all means in the process.

I live in Calgary now. Forever? Who knows. But maybe is definitely a possibility.