This year itself has presented a lot of changes in my life. It was a year that I decided to quit my job in Calgary, pack up, ship my cat via Air Canada Cargo, and drive across country to move back in with my parents; leave a relationship that I knew was going nowhere and basically – start over – again. I did and ended up quitting that job too, starting my own business and diving head deep into freelance designing and programming. How much has changed in a year? Basically everything – right down to my hair colour and style (I’ve got the “ombre” hair look made famous and popular via Sarah Jessica Parker and Lily Aldrige). And I feel great.

I sit in front of my current vision board in my office and smile every time I see it. Mostly because focusing on the things, feelings and experiences I’ve put out there and on that vision board have been coming true. It’s not surprising because that’s what’s supposed to happen, after all! Just exciting, which keeps my mood up – which is always a good thing.

I’ve been attending a lot of events, missing out on some other ones and wishing I knew about even more. Lately, I went to Boobyball Flash 2010 – a fundraiser that helped to create awareness for breast cancer in younger women, with a whole lotta drag; the 2nd anniversary of Lush & Lavish Salon and Spa at 200 Ossington in the Queen West area – where I purchased a couple of new anti-aging face products (I have to deal with the fact that the age is creeping up there at some point) from http://www.eminenceorganics.com/ and a facial package from Carol at Lush. I can’t wait. Okay – so many I haven’t been to so many events, but I’ve been thinking about them.

Somehow, in the midst of all this work and networking, I do need to sleep.

We’re not the same, dear, as we used to be
The seasons have changed and so have we
There was little we could say and even less that we could do
To stop the ice from getting thinner under me and you
- Death Cab for Cutie “The Ice was Getting Thinner Under Me and You”

Sometimes I feel like rainy days should be reserved for quiet Sunday afternoons, those days where nothing really needs to get done, but somehow feel productive anyway. Instead, it’s a Thursday in September. We’re on the cusp of fall; the last few days of summer are dribbling into early sunsets and closed toe shoes.

Autumn, the season of change, new beginnings – and goodbyes, always leaves me thinking about the last season switch. How quickly the time flew – again, and how much has changed – again. We’re growing up in this here city of Toronto. The humidity gets worse and worse every year, the pubs and patios a little more crowded and the drive up north a little more congested.

I’m left in the middle, sometimes wondering how exactly I ended up here and others, just enjoying the fact that I did. This season, this autumn has me intrigued at will happen next. I’ve got parties to attend (Boobyball – October 16^th), birthdays to celebrate (mine!) and holidays to plan. We move forward and continue going, planning, acting and everything in between.

Take a minute to stop as these seasons fly by. Just take a minute and breathe. The air is fresh – depending on which part of the city you’re in. Experience the moment, and enjoy.

On location at The Georgian Grill in Balm Beach, Ontario, Lindsey Drennan asked me to come on the fashion shoot set after the location was scouted three months prior. Three hours into make up and hair prep, a stylist; videographer; photographer; model; makeup artist and creative director (plus me: location scout!) have eaten more than their fair share of bacon cheeseburgers and Poutine and were finally ready to shoot the first of eight different looks to appear in Filler Magazine this fall.

There are a few families who look on wide-eyed at the elegantly dressed and misplaced woman standing in the middle of a Skeeball machine wearing heels that look like they’d crack the ankle of anyone else who’d dare try them on. ‘What’s going on?’ they probably wonder, and stare at us all as if we were aliens in this very calm, unoriginal place. They are probably shocked because, like me, are unaware of the behind the scenes efforts of a fashion shoot. Lighting, accessories, costume changes; and of course, hairspray efforts, are just a fraction of the effects that go into the perfect fashion photograph. I’ve been privy to Lindsey’s previous photo shoots in the past, even being her lighting subject and subsequent ‘model’ for one of them, but I’ve never been so intertwined with one of the shoots as I am with this one. It’s a surreal experience in all actuality. Probably the same surrealism that the very same model – now wearing couture with comfort and ease – did when she stepped on the set of her first shoot.

For me, it’s surreal because I’m not merely here as Emilia Farrace. I’m here as Simply Elaborate Things – this brand new personal web project I’m starting that features exciting and extraordinary experiences in and around the city of Toronto. Being able to realize that the fruits of my labour are slowly coming together is a crazy thing to have happen. It’s a dream coming true.

As I’ve been chatting away with my fellow companions, it’s easy to see that this shoot isn’t only a dream coming into reality for me, but for everyone involved. Everyone had a dream of doing what they’re doing this exact moment. As all the occupations of the people at this shoot aren’t careers that merely get ‘fallen into’ – they take hard work and are often given up on.

We all have dreams. Things we would do if we somehow won the lottery. I’ve been fortunate enough to meet and be introduced to many people who are following their dreams, despite the lack of lottery winnings. These are the people who take risks. These are the people who focus on the bigger picture – that bigger dream- because of passion. A passion for something bigger than they could ever imagine – because of faith. Having faith in something bigger than anything physical because of hope. Hope that all the middle of the night brainstorming sessions, extra shifts at work and dedication eventually mean something to someone more than just your parents. And they do.

As the most important thing realized throughout this whole ordeal is that we are here to inspire each other, to help each other – not merely ourselves – because the fact of the matter is that we all need one another. Whether it’s advice, material or even a loan. We teach each other that things aren’t always what they seem; for every minute of success, comes a year of preparation and a photograph is never just a photograph.

Lindsey Drennan’s photographs will appear in the Fall issue of Filler Magazine. To see other work by Drennan, click on http://lindseydrennan.com and watch out for her editorial spread in the November issue of FLARE Magazine.

Since then, we’ve followed his band Down By Riverside on MySpace and followed him and his brothers playing around the city at Supermarket in Kensington on Sunday and at The 460 last night where Henry and a few of his brothers played music all night to celebrate his birthday (the youngster turned a whopping 20 years old).

While I can’t speak on Lindsey’s behalf, I can speak on mine and say that this guy has sparked back the inspiration that I’ve severely needed this last little bit. Henry walks through life not needing much more than his blue guitar and a pick. Choosing to perform most of his sets barefoot at open mic nights around the city, and subsequently on the curbs outside said establishments because his devote followers can’t get enough and want more, Henry is a bit of a local celebrity in downtown Toronto – a small celebrity, but one nonetheless. Humbled as he sang through his set last night, clearly shocked, amazed and appreciative of all his friends making it out to celebrate, his calm, idle smile he usually carries was a wide grin as his fingers strummed his guitar and his voice cooed his Jack Johnson-like rhythm lyrics.

Living in this cutthroat world can make finding inspiration rather difficult at times. The competition to always get ahead, be first, have the life society wants can be draining and often de-motivating. Where I stand in my life right now, smack dab in the middle between creative freelancer and corporate entity, it’s difficult to constantly make sure I’m inspired and motivated. Having the corporate world stare down at me while I go against the norms is a little daunting, scary and risky. But when you really think about it, aren’t those the same things that make the end result that much better?

I’m amazed the most at the way Henry seems to go through and against the societal norms with ease and without expectation. He carries himself with love and acceptance of those around him (“peace, a better world is possible” is his current status on Facebook). No judgment, anger or jealousy. He owns no cell phone, but everyone knows how to get a hold of him and where he’s going to be. He takes donations wherever he plays in Toronto, not for his livelihood but for organizations that are in need (last night’s donations were for flood victims of Pakistan). He canvasses during the day for wildlife organizations and charities and is just happy. It’s a type of personality and lifestyle that one can find envious.

Instead of being envious, however, we can use experiences we have in life to inspire us, help us realize and remember that each and every one of us are different and help this world in different ways. And it’s pretty amazing when you find that inkling of inspiration. Go find yours.

Henry Nozuka plays alongside his brother Christian every Sunday at Supermarket in Kensington Market and other establishments around the city, say hello and he’ll gladly tell you where you can find him playing throughout the week.

“Well I wish I had your legs, so don’t worry!” I replied. Then we spoke about how if we could somehow put our two body types together, I’m sure at some point, we’d find something else to hate about them. Without doubt, this got me thinking about women and our obsession with finding the perfect body. Whether it’s in the body parts of our friends, the models in magazines or our favourite celebrities. Why aren’t we just content with what we’re dealt at birth?

I have a very Italian pear shaped body. And my roommate’s right, I’m very grateful for my small chest and torso as I can squeeze myself into things you wouldn’t believe for the amount of weight the scale tells me I am, but somehow, when looking in a mirror, I find my eyes trailing down to my thighs and knees. There’s just too much there I often tell myself. So I run, kind of; do spinning; now, I’ve started kickboxing; participated in Boot Camp; Pilates; yoga; swimming – etcetera, etcetera. The problem? The torso keeps getting smaller and those thighs never seem to fade. I know the rules of weight loss and muscle management. I know butt and boobs are first to go but the frustrating thing is how long it takes to get it off and all I have to do is go on vacation for a week and pretty much three months of hard work goes down the drain.

So why can’t we just be happy with what we’ve got? How come right after my roommate complimented my upper body, I immediately shifted conversation over to the things I hate about it? This got me to thinking about how we interpret compliments and our self body image and how we think others perceive us. At times, I can half-heartedly complain about my severe lack of breasts, but if there is a time that I’m wearing a bit of a cleavage-bearing top, I feel extremely self-conscious. I’m not used to people looking at my chest and not my eyes – it’s like nothing will ever make us happy. Although I don’t think I’d ever want to be the type of person who actually enjoyed someone staring at my chest instead of my eyes, but that’s another story.

All of this made me realize that although I love my body about a hundred times more than I ever did while hitting puberty, and while celebrity junk food news and idealistic, ridiculous fawning over plastic surgery Barbie faces (ramble!) has become the norm for today’s teenagers to look up to, there’s still something off with what I see when I look at myself in the mirror – and I don’t think I’m alone in that department.

How do we change this self imposed body image we have on ourselves? How can we just love what your momma gave you? How do you do it?

“Most people would rather be certain they’re miserable than risk being happy.”

I saw this quote today and started thinking about life and the way we live it. The way we walk through each day, focusing on the people who cut us off while driving, the rude barista at Starbucks in the morning or the fact that no matter how early we leave to get somewhere, something always manages to make us late. I am no stranger to being this person sometimes. It happens. It’s inevitable. The inability to be positive at all hours of the day.

Then I can talk to people who really are able to put things in perspective for me. Like a sister. Who thankfully is bored enough at work that she can write me emails that remind me to live in the present and not worry about the past. And not the past like last year, but the past like yesterday. It really puts things in perspective, thinking like that. Realizing what’s important and what’s not. Realizing what’s worth expending energy into and what’s not – and remembering how to differentiate between the two.

I’ve happened to realize that nothing is life is simple. It really isn’t. And the harder to strive for simplicity and ease, the harder it is to find. It’s not about finding the perfect routine that will keep you calm at all hours of the day but more about finding that calm within yourself. So that when you are handed a situation that might make you a little colourful, you have that calm that allows entrance for ease.

Over fifteen people came – my highest turn out yet! And I felt it was a great success, mostly, as I realized that we all have so many people in our lives that love us and want to spend time with us – whether we’re single, dating or married. It’s these people that come out from all facets of our lives that we’re able to see just what kind of relationships we are capable of maintaining. I phrase it in that way because it’s hard work to maintain friendships and as the group you’re friends with increases, the harder it is to maintain all aspects of what a friendship entails. The description of what a friendship entails can be grossly misleading as well; depending on whom you’re talking to.

A friend of mine decided to cease being friends with me a couple of weeks ago and I was left hurt, blind sided and (true to form) asking questions to no one in particular about what could have possibly happened. This person was a very dear friend of mine throughout our university years but as we grew older and drifted apart (ranging from what cities we lived in to our careers) our emails remained and the odd phone call was placed. Communication was there between us but we’d definitely lost the closeness we had in terms of breaking news and calling the other on speed dial.
Suffice to say, our friendship hadn’t maintained it’s strength these past few years but I suppose betrayal and loyalty had its hand in the demise of the friendship at the end of the day. I was accused of being dishonest but with no situation – I guess I’m just supposed to know what I did. But I don’t.

For a person who was not in my life on a daily basis, I’m finding it difficult to just let go. I’m constantly wondering what happened and re-thinking everything I’ve done and said over the last month of two. I’m a person who hates being hated. I’m a person who doesn’t like not being liked. Maybe that’s an issue to deal with at another time, but for right now – it feels wrong. Friendships don’t last all the time, I know this, and people grow apart, move on and up or just don’t blend anymore. But I’ve never had a friendship just blow up in my face so quickly with no explanation. We’re done. You’re done. You’re a horrible person. It leaves someone to question – am I?

Could I have done more in the friendship to make sure it didn’t end this way? Probably, I could have done (or not done) whatever it is that garnered me this position of “ex-friend” in the first place – but how are you to know if the other party won’t talk to you?

Many in my life say that dwelling on this situation or even the person shouldn’t matter and I should just move on and rid myself of the negativity. I’m all for it – but tell my mind that. I work in an office alone, being creative and it’s a bit difficult to pull creativity out of the woodwork when you have something blocking it from exposure.

With time, things will improve, I know – they already have, but I can’t help but wonder – if I could go back and do things differently, would I? Probably not. Instead, I would probably go back to the Saturday evening of the long weekend when all the friends that could make it to the cottage, had, and were all eating hamburgers, hot dogs and sausages I had supplied for the party. I stood on the grass watching them like a creep all laughing on the deck and I couldn’t help but smile.

I have amazing friends. I have amazing people in my life that would do anything for me and I’d do the same. I have friends that I haven’t seen in years, yet still make time for me if we need it. I have friends that push me to be the best I can be when I don’t think I have it in me. I have friends that understand my incessant ridiculous love of Sushi and don’t judge. I have friends that will just sit and watch television with me, because I love Cougar Town, even though they don’t. I have friends that love me and fight with me and laugh with me and smile with me. And we fight; I’ve fought with all my friends. The difference is, the friendship is worth way more than the fight and that’s why it’s a hell of a lot easier to maintain.

I went to bed earlier than I have on a Sunday in a really long time. Just because I was tired, and I was bored but I couldn’t help but wonder, as I stared at the slanted ceiling of my new room, why I wanted to do this. To take hold once again, a glimpse of the life I had back in Calgary. Complete independence, proximity to (almost) everyone I know and freedom. A few things that I haven’t even gone without since I’ve been back anyway. Yet, my stubborn head brought me here, with a “Toronto” address, Alberta plates, and Mississauga P.O. Box and a life of vacations and adventures.

Without a photo on the wall, but a photograph of the Manchester Ferris wheel, a birthday gift from my sister one year, and a couple of new cute black boxes from IKEA which now hold my make up – a bed frame made without the metal bars, so a mattress sitting in the middle of it with no support, I lay there, for now, wondering in an empty room.

Has summer officially started? Well, it’s 9 PM before it gets dark, so it seems like it. Only time will tell what kind of summer it’ll be.

The end result (one of):

I’m really excited to see the rest of them! Perfect for my new website that’s currently in the works. I need some updated professional shots! And now I have them. A quiet night turned a little longer than expected and I wasn’t home and in bed until about 3 am only to wake up the next afternoon ready and waiting for my impending lunch date with Keisha – always a lovely catch up.

My Saturday night began back at Lindsey’s where the girls all got ready and drank some lovely wine – always a plus! Lindsey detailed the evening perfectly in her recount of the evening at Mercatto.

We got called the Canadian version of Sex and the City, many, many times:

We unfortunately didn’t get the amount of polaroids that Lindsey had intended, but the night was a huge success anyway. Ended off at Brooklyn on Queen for a quick cocktail, I was on my way home by 1 AM feeling a bit older at my exhaustion and cramped feet.

Sunday was filled with friends, beer and a Blue Jays game, which proved to be a small preview of what this summer is probably going to be like living with the girls in the Annex this summer: Fabulous.

All in all, it was just one of those weekends. A weekend I hadn’t expected nor planned for (every single thing I did this weekend was planned on Friday night with the exception of Saturday night girls dinner). It was one of those weekends when you hang out with true friends and realize who they are. Getting over disagreements and growing up. A weekend of first “I love yous” for some and for others, first drunk texts that weren’t full of hatred and disappointment. It was a weekend that made me full of hope and excitement for the summer. Who can’t love that?