SIMPLY ELABORATE blog

I was home for a couple of days this week for my reading week, and while I was out for coffee with J and L and we performed the usual “what’s new” chat before we delved into deeper topics we all came to the conclusion that nothing was. When we were in high school, there was always a drama filled discussion that needed solving or figuring out. We figure that after university is done, we’ll have information/catching up talks all the time about all the changes in our lives. For now, though, we’d figured out that we’re stuck finishing school and there’s nothing “in between” right now. I didn’t like that thought but then had to agree when I can’t even throw out a meaningful entry on this website that started my pseudo career in everything media related. I am really busy, doing a lot of things. But there are definitely times when I’m doing nothing and wishing I wasn’t.

I have my car here now, thanks to a creepy cab driver who felt the need to hit on me a couple of weeks ago while he was driving me home from work, and just knowing I have the ability to leave my apartment whenever I wish has me a bit comforted. Unfortunately, something else I realized while returning the videos I rented Thursday night: there’s nowhere to go in this city, especially when you’re here by yourself. It was a glimpse into what my summer is going to be like: nobody here, nowhere to go, nothing to do – fabulous.

When I was looking for the key to my front door, I had a memory about what I used to do when I was younger and alone in my room. I would walk up the stairs, pretend that my house key was the key to my bedroom door and go inside, shut it, pretend to lock it on the inside and “hang up” my keychain on the nail next to the door. I would imagine what the interior would look like and sit on my bed with a book in hand and read, whilst pretending I was in my future living room relaxing after a hard day’s work. I never thought too much into the future when I was growing up, I imagined this life where I could be independent but always assumed that was when I had a full time career and a different life. I never thought it would be some sort of premonition of my life in university. I grilled veggies for lunch and talked to my mom on the phone today, pacing around in the emptiness of the apartment and basked in the loneliness of being connected to someone. And I felt the familiarity of what I would feel while reading that book on my childhood bed, pretending I was somewhere else.

What do you do when there’s nothing to do, nowhere to go or nobody to see? You imagine you’re doing something, going somewhere and spending time with someone, which feels more pathetic than not doing it, so I don’t. I write these entries instead while listening to music, watching muted TBS movies in the background and chatting with friends online who are miles and miles away.

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