SIMPLY ELABORATE blog

So I haven’t posted. I’ve been up north. Making more money in a week than I did in a week of being in the city. And it’s great. I’m having fun. Relaxing. Working. Getting job interviews. All that jazz. And I couldn’t be happier. Well, maybe I could be. If my sister was here. If my sister hadn’t left. If I haven’t spent the last week bawling my eyes out because I just know it’s going to be a very long time since I’ll ever see her again.

But there’s nothing I can do. Except live my life here. Get things started again for the new school year, new phone numbers, new address, new clothes, new life – again. What can I say except it’s a bittersweet feeling. The same feeling I always get once the summer begins to come to a close. I leave soon and nothing’s ready, not my lease, not my packing, not my computer, not me. I’m not ready. You’d think that over the course of 4 months something would have clicked me into being prepared for this move, but no. I sit waiting and trying to figure out what this year’s going to bring, yet try not to think about it too much, because as soon as I do, it’ll be here, and then it’ll be gone. Another year of school complete and another year of my life.

I always speak about how much life changes in such a short period of time, how things can perform a complete 180 in a flash when sooner or later, all the talk about change gets to me and suddenly, because of all the change, it doesn’t seem to be “changing” all that much anymore. It’s just my life. It’s just everyone’s life. Things change so quickly that as soon as something is said that deems to be official, already it’s turning around. That’s the way it is I guess. Without it, life would be boring. And we can’t have that, can we?

I’ll just say it again, it’s the bittersweet ending that’s getting to me. It’s like my relationship with the word bittersweet. I love the look of it – b-i-t-t-e-r-s-w-e-e-t- it’s so cute, but it’s meaning is so powerful and ironic. Is it actually even the right term, ironic? Or is it the ironic like how Alanis thinks things are ironic? Who knows? It’s a bittersweet feeling, a bittersweet answer.

It all contributes to the bittersweet life.

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