SIMPLY ELABORATE blog

Archive for the ‘vents’ Category

This week has been crazy, well actually, this whole month has. I cannot understand or make sense of the things that have happened but all I know is that they have increasingly confused me ’til no end. There are so many ‘why?’ questions and so many ‘how come?’ ones and nothing has happened to enlighten me with any answers.

I’m tired or trying to figure them out and tired of providing advice that really has no merit because I don’t even know where the hell it’s coming from. And obviously proves to be very, very wrong.

I want to write a long entry right now, but I can’t. Because I’m still so confused and don’t have any idea where I would begin the post. Just let me get all this Christmas stuff out of the way and maybe we’ll figure that out.

You want to read my website….fine, do that …. but don’t be thinking you can “read between the lines” with things that I write and think that you’re getting some inside information on Y’s thoughts. Because you aren’t. Stop using me and my website as a way to create issues between you two. The girl loves you and leave it at that. Don’t let something I wrote a month ago about something that happened 7 MONTHS AGO be the start of something. But just to clarify, what I wrote, that one sentence about Y meeting someone when she wasn’t even looking – that was YOU and it was a GOOD THING.

And stop reading my website. I don’t like the thought of you on it. Especially if you’re going to create problems between you and Y and I’m going to have to deal with it being blamed on me. I thought you hated me anyway? So why is my life so interesting to you?

It’s funny how you can only seem to complain and pursue Y to read my website when something about you is on it but when I’ve written something about being in general need of advice or friendship you can’t be bothered to let her in on that information.

——————

And that’s as far as I’m going with “censoring” your name on MY website. See? X and Y … now no one will know who you are – but I’m pretty sure nobody knew or, frankly, gave a shit before.

The entry this disclaimer letter is about? the rebound – but don’t worry, the coded letters have been changed to ‘X’ and ‘Y’ so all of the people who read this that I don’t even know will be fooled!!!

Good readings everybody.

I was thinking today about relationships. And how it’s always a wonder of what the other person is thinking. If you had the chance to know exactly what another person, someone close to you maybe, really thought of you, would you take the chance?

Sometimes I feel like no one listens to me when I talk, but I never really thought about the fact that I’m always talking. Like I don’t shut up. I really don’t. I’m admitting it. And as it’s recently been brought to my attention that a friend has voiced that opinion behind my back, a part of me is hurt and the other part is forced to recognize the fact that maybe it’s true. But now what? Now what am I supposed to do about it? Stop? It’s not quite that easy.

I remember one time when I was younger and my family was on a road trip, I think we were coming back from a family reunion in the States, and me, being the comic in the family, was chatting nonstop in the backseat. I was eleven or twelve I think, I’m not sure, and I was always relied upon in my family to be the one who made everyone laugh, as I think I still am (although my humour has ventured from slapstick to a more sarcastic lazy type now). After a while, and as my dad was getting quite annoyed with me, my mother told me to shut up. I was hurt and mostly mad (because at twelve you can find anything to be mad about) and vowed never to speak again like this character in a television show I had recently seen had done. I tried really hard, and it was hard, and all I was doing was sittng in the backseat with a sleeping sister. I didn’t even make it to the border without “forgiving” my mother and allowing myself to speak again.

So although I’m not talking about shutting up forever, as that has been deemed impossible, how am I supposed to change my actions? Is it wrong? I know I’m a talkative person, it’s in my nature, but maybe I’ve been taking too much and not paying attention to what’s going on around me.

I think that’s the bigger picture. I guess it’s a form of selfishness, we all have some, and this is mine. The thing is, it never used to be that way. I could always pick up on someone’s feelings from the get-go and always made it somewhat of a mission to help. To be the listener. Somewhere along the way I got tired of listening and became this non-stop talker who doesn’t pay attention.

I got an eye opener recently, and it made me think about who I’ve become as a person. And if I liked this person. So much of my life, I’m proud of; the things I’ve accomplished and the things I’ve set out to achieve. But can any of it be validated if I begin to see that maybe nobody cares?

Maybe I should just shut up. And just try and listen.

It’s a shame when people would rather go to your website to catch up on your life than call and ask you for themselves, “what’s up?” and then turn to you and wonder why you’re the one being distant.

Why should you bother caring when nobody else seems to?

I don’t know what to write. But I feel as though I should write something. It never fails that right before bed, when I’m supremely tired, I get all these inspirations to write and topics to write about but just don’t have the energy to get up and write about them. And now, today (not particularily a day I WANT to be up this late) I’m writing about nothing.

So there you have it. Nothing.