SIMPLY ELABORATE blog

Archive for the ‘summers’ Category

I’ve been wondering a lot about this summer and the implications it’s having on my emotional status in life. I was reading through some past entries from last summer and after realizing how much I went through then, it’s hard to believe how much more confusing my life ahs gotten since then.

I’ve never had a job as stressful as mine is. And I’m not a person who gets stressed over jobs, especially when they aren’t my career or have anything to do with it. I used to think that my job had some potential over my impending career in broadcasting or whatever the hell it is I hope to get into after school’s over, but now, it’s become quite apparent that I’ve gotten sucked into performing at a job I hate with no positive reprocussions over any other aspect in my life.

I’m becoming bitchy at work, annoyed and no longer the happy, easy-going person I once was. I’m being thrown in an array of angry parents, disgruntled employees, disorganization and utter chaos. I don’t know how to deal with any of this because it’s really not even my job, it’s really not my problem, but somehow I’m being forced to fix everything, deal with everything and sometimes I just don’t think I can handle it.

I get paid a lot for what I’m “supposed” to be doing, for a student, and for someone who makes her own hours. But despite all that, despite the utter need for those paycheques every two weeks, despite the need to stick it out and continue my quest to get out of debt entirely, despite all that – I really want to quit.

The boss I like told me today that she’s probably going to be quitting tomorrow, and it seemed pretty definite. And I’m really scared for this impending occurance as I’m going to become the “new her” and I don’t want to. At all.

How can I quit? How can I quit a job that pays me well, allows me to book much needed weeks or weekends off and still get a good paycheque for the week? Where am I going to find the flexibility for that? I won’t. Yet I still believe that if something isn’t done about it, and soon, I’m pretty much going to go nuts. Or completely turn my back on everything I’ve ever been: nice.

The backstabbing, betrayal, coverign your own ass – it’s getting to be way too much. I can’t control anything and I really have no idea how to. But as of tomorrow, that’s going to be my new job, fixing everything.

And I don’t know how the hell I’m going to be able to handle that.

With all this craziness in life right now, I thought it was only fitting to run away for a weekend to spend some time at the beach.

It was a fabulous runaway, despite some difficulties.

The first couple “stressed out” photographs are due to the fact that my poor little Betsy (the Suzuki) let go of her fan belt and her coolant exploded all over the engine – not a fun way to begin the weekend.

P then came to save us and continue our quest to the cottage while we left Betsy to get fixed for the weekend. Low and behold construction traffic in London for about two hours and we spent some more extra time waiting there. Fortunately once we got there, we began our fabulous weekend and everything was smooth sailing from there.

If you’d like to see the photos from the fabulous weekend, please, click away.

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It’s almost the end of summer, I came to terms with that today. And I don’t know how I feel about that. I’ve been reminiscing about the last four months for the past couple of days and it’s been an amazing time, I can honestly say that. So much has happened, probably more than any other summer I’ve been through (as of yet) and although a part of me is sad to see the summer end, the other is happy that yet a new phase of my life is beginning. Another school year, another year away, the second year without my sister. It’s my childhood fading away slowly as I grow into an adult.

And it’s all I do to hope for the best.

While I was dancing at the cottage this weekend, admist all the people, sweat, fallen drinks and laughter, I had a thought. I looked around at the people I was with and realize that it’s amazing that I really never talk to any of these people during the winter, but once I get up north and give them a call, it’s like I never left. It’s like that with basically everybody I know at the beach and I think it’s kind of fascinating.

Instant friends in different area codes is what it is, really. What is fascinating is the fact that even though I haven’t seen them in so long, it’s like we were never apart and the friendship jumps right back to its left-off point.

It’s kind of like that with the relationships I have with people who I’ve met (online only) through reading my blog and vise-versa. I don’t know who these people are, what they’re like during their everyday lives yet it’s some sort of connection shared that keeps the friendship going. Whether it be mutual heartbreak like I often experience with Odd or insomnia that leads to 3 AM instant messaging conversations with Jay-B.

It’s the connection I have with people at the beach who understand what it’s like to live up there (obviously more than I do) and know almost everyone you encounter in a day that keeps the relationships going strong. It’s a different connection with everyone you know, and I think that is what keeps our lives interesting and our memories vivid. The thoughts we have, the inside jokes shared and the secrets kept all contribute to the bond we hold with each other.

That’s the most fantastic thing, I think. That ability to smile when you see someone you haven’t in a while or chat with someone you’ve missed.

I have this theory about life. It’s kind of hard to explain, but it’s there. The basis of it is that we all are here, working like mad, studying like crazy and partying (when we have time) with equal force in order maintain our level of sanity during difficult times.

I believe that everybody has a place they go when they are having a difficult time with something (or someone). Whether it’s a shopaholic needing to go to the mall to relieve stress, an athletic person needing to go for a run or the gym to clear their head or someone needing to go to the beach and tan to relax. Me, I’m the latter, as if nobody could figure out based on previous posts.

With much resistance, I came home from my one day vacation with sadness but a new sense of myself. I hadn’t been up there by myself in a long time, with nobody to tell me what to do or anyone to entertain and it was fabulous. The thing about the beach is that you don’t have to make plans beforehand or even call anyone to let them know you’re coming (even though I do) because chances are you’ll see them there. And I did.

Thursday night, I was sitting in the arcade having a drink and waiting for my ex boss to get off work so we could check out the “downtown bar” (read: the only place to go dance) and I was sitting with all the people I was so used to serving alcohol to for so many years (ahem, actually, only since I was 18, because that’s legal). Anyway, so I looked around and laughed at things said, acted surprised when one of the guys pulled a dime out of my right ear when I could have sworn I saw him drop it in his hand beforehand and stared out to the beach where all the people were shouting, drinking and laughing. It was so nice to know that I didn’t have to work the next day, but mostly, not have to work up there. Being up there without having to work and knowing that I was up on borrowed time made it more of a relaxing experience.

Since I’ve been on this health kick for a while now, and I’m actually seeing results (who woulda thunk it?!) I felt really great and healthy (except for the drinking) and very confident in myself. I did not care how I looked. It was fantastic.

So my theory, back to the theory, is; no matter how busy/stressful/torturous someone’s life is, as long as there is that place to go, that simple mall visit, run or beach trip, you’ll know you’ll be okay and things change and evolve and take you to places that you didn’t think you’d ever be and may surprise you in the end. Whether it’s a day, week, month or even just an hour, the best thing you can do for yourself is have that place. Have that somewhere to be by yourself or do whatever you want and you will. All the inhibitions will come down, feel beautiful in whatever you wear, or in nothing at all.

Through all my time up north, probably the most relaxing was when I was sitting in front of the TV after a long day at the beach and visiting people, and I got in the crazy mood to just start dancing. Out of nowhere, I changed the radio to one of the two stations they have up there and danced around my cottage like there was no tomorrow. That was a workout in itself. Curtains up, doors open … I danced and didn’t care who saw me. However, when my “Greek cottage friends” came by (I call them that because I only see them when we’re all at the cottage and they’re Greek – it helps differentiate between the people I know) I had already retired to painting my toenails in my bikini bottoms and was thankful that a song I didn’t like came on and I had stopped dancing around only minutes before. It actually made me laugh and wonder what the hell I would have told them should they have driven up and seen me dancing like that in front of a huge window that overlooks the street. The other part of me just laughed because I didn’t care.

So I smiled, threw on some pants and met them outside. My nailpolish got ruined, but I had time to fix it.