We’re not the same, dear, as we used to be
The seasons have changed and so have we
There was little we could say and even less that we could do
To stop the ice from getting thinner under me and you
- Death Cab for Cutie “The Ice was Getting Thinner Under Me and You”

Sometimes I feel like rainy days should be reserved for quiet Sunday afternoons, those days where nothing really needs to get done, but somehow feel productive anyway. Instead, it’s a Thursday in September. We’re on the cusp of fall; the last few days of summer are dribbling into early sunsets and closed toe shoes.

Autumn, the season of change, new beginnings – and goodbyes, always leaves me thinking about the last season switch. How quickly the time flew – again, and how much has changed – again. We’re growing up in this here city of Toronto. The humidity gets worse and worse every year, the pubs and patios a little more crowded and the drive up north a little more congested.

I’m left in the middle, sometimes wondering how exactly I ended up here and others, just enjoying the fact that I did. This season, this autumn has me intrigued at will happen next. I’ve got parties to attend (Boobyball – October 16^th), birthdays to celebrate (mine!) and holidays to plan. We move forward and continue going, planning, acting and everything in between.

Take a minute to stop as these seasons fly by. Just take a minute and breathe. The air is fresh – depending on which part of the city you’re in. Experience the moment, and enjoy.

“Most people would rather be certain they’re miserable than risk being happy.”

I saw this quote today and started thinking about life and the way we live it. The way we walk through each day, focusing on the people who cut us off while driving, the rude barista at Starbucks in the morning or the fact that no matter how early we leave to get somewhere, something always manages to make us late. I am no stranger to being this person sometimes. It happens. It’s inevitable. The inability to be positive at all hours of the day.

Then I can talk to people who really are able to put things in perspective for me. Like a sister. Who thankfully is bored enough at work that she can write me emails that remind me to live in the present and not worry about the past. And not the past like last year, but the past like yesterday. It really puts things in perspective, thinking like that. Realizing what’s important and what’s not. Realizing what’s worth expending energy into and what’s not – and remembering how to differentiate between the two.

I’ve happened to realize that nothing is life is simple. It really isn’t. And the harder to strive for simplicity and ease, the harder it is to find. It’s not about finding the perfect routine that will keep you calm at all hours of the day but more about finding that calm within yourself. So that when you are handed a situation that might make you a little colourful, you have that calm that allows entrance for ease.

A WORK IN PROGRESS

IKEA Shower Curtain

The work is piling up behind me, and new prospects are going on my to-do list with each passing day and I’m left wondering whether it is a smart idea for me to look into hiring someone to continue the Simply Elaborate business process. With each day I find another reason as to why I think it’s a fabulous way to go. I read once that the number one mistake that entrepreneurs make is that they do everything themselves and therefore either burn out or something isn’t done 100%. I’m starting to agree and I don’t like it because I don’t like doing things at anything less than 100% and although I’m not feeling burnt out, I can only assume it’s on the horizon.

There are a lot of changes that are going on in my life that are happening soon. For one, I’m going to be a Torontonian this summer. I decided to take up a friend on an opportunity to sublet a room in a duplex downtown and I’m quite excited about it. The move can’t come at a better time nor worse time in my life but when is anything perfect timing in my life?

With summer on it’s way, finally, I’m excited and yet already feeling it fly by quicker than expected and wanted. There’s one thing I’m excited about it – being single, being surrounded by friends and family, and having fun.

Who can’t get excited about that?

It makes me have this unusual outpouring of pride that I reside in this country. The same kind of pride I have when travelling overseas and people find out I’m Canadian and not American. It’s like the look on their faces makes me proud to be a part of a country that produces that kind of stereotypical response.

It’s the reason that I made it my mission last year to see all Canadian provinces (I only have two left) and Territories (all three left :/ ). It’s such an amazingly beautiful country that many of us never see because we can’t wait to get out to the hot vacation destinations or Europe (don’t get me wrong – I love those too). But we need to remember that we’re not just Canadian during the Olympics and there’s a deeper reason that we’re so proud when some person we’ve never heard about before slides down a mountain on a snowboard and beats the “favouring” American. Or bounces up and down on a mogul path and becomes the “first Canadian to win gold on our soil”.

What’s your reason?

… long pause.

me: …. I don’t think so. I think he’s just a jerk.

mom (interjecting): No … maybe you’re right.

This weekend was jam packed of relaxing work – which sounds more oxymoron than it really is. I’m grabbing more control on my routine and lifestyle and getting into a groove – most days. I’ve been thinking about my life and future so much (even though I know I should only be thinking of the present) and I can’t believe it’s been almost four months since I left Calgary. It blows my mind how much my life has changed since driving east on Highway 1 (16th Ave) and not looking back on October 13th 2009.

After how much everyone’s life has changed since I left, I realize that my life may have been easier if I stayed in Calgary, but I would be internally torn inside with a lot of things in my life and the thought of moving back to Toronto would have become a bigger choice than it was when I left.

It may sound confusing, and truthfully, it is. But I’m still excited. I’m excited for a lot of things because every day, I think while driving home for work and categorically go down a list of all the things I’ve learned that day. That technique in itself was worth the move, the big break up, the separation of the things, the wear and tear on my car, the missing of my friends – everything. Because when I drove home or took the bus from my position in Calgary, I didn’t do that. I didn’t do anything even close to that. I was at a standstill, constantly looking at the bottom corner of my computer screen praying the time to fast forward to 4:30 pm. Every day.

For the first time in my life I’m working hard every single day because I have to. There is no room for slacking in this position because if I slack, I don’t get the feeling of a closing sale; I don’t get the internally proud feeling of accomplishment; I don’t get the satisfaction of knowing that I learned a new way to strengthen a bond or relationship.

I’m doing that, every single day. And because of that, I know that in ten years, when I look back on my 25th year, the year that I moved back from Calgary to begin a new chapter of my life – I’ll remember how I took charge of my life, refused the 9 – 5 job routine, took a beating, took a pay cut, took a new look at the word “humbled” and learned every single day.

That – I believe – is the most important thing.

There’s one difference, however. I do considerably less work during the day than what I accomplish at night. And then I sit and wonder why that is. How can that be, actually? Shouldn’t you want to pound the items off that To-Do list so that tonight, when you have a billion fun things to do, you aren’t pondering what you’re not accomplishing? Most people would. Not me.

No, what I do is watch movie trailers being released in a not-so distant future. Case in point: The Good Guy a trailer I’ve watched three times because I loved the background music. And it’s prompted me to listen to BSS while I “work”.

Sometimes you just need a little inspiration.

Today, when my alarm went off, I was so comfortable and warm, and relaxed that I decided to stay in bed for that extra hour and a half, thinking it’d be a perfect morning for a little extra shut up – screw spinning, I thought.

Flash-forward to 7:30, my new alarm time – I felt just as crappy, if not crappier. And this time, I didn’t become magically awake while washing my face and teeth. The rest of the morning goes on and I’m unable to keep my eyes open at work, I can’t concentrate and everything seems so depressive.

Thought for the day: apparently waking up ungodly hours of the morning to put your body through hell works out in the long run, so no more skipping.

Once January 4th hit, I was back on the work front. Controlling all aspects of my life I believe I can control – I’m on my way to figuring out the things in life that I can’t and will never be able to.
I’ll get there, completely, though. One day. And this year, will definitely be interesting. One for the books. Just watch.