SIMPLY ELABORATE blog

Archive for the ‘career’ Category

have you ever had one of those talks that come out of nowhere and help you to realize a bunch of things you didn’t even know you were wondering about?  i just had one of those.

and i’ve been having a lot of them lately and wondering about why i keep thinking about the things i’m thinking about.

my dad sent me an email today with a job description in it.  he said that the hiring process is long and i might be finished school by the end of it.  and it scared the hell out of me.  because it was perfect, the job is perfect, and is everything i’ve been studying for and is everything i did at the soccer place and it’s scary because that’s going to be my life soon: finding suitable jobs.  unless i decide to go to school some more.

but i’m sick of school, i’ve been doing it my whole life.  and while i don’t think i’m nearly ready to do anything else right now, i’m realizing that i’ve gotta get on thinking about something more.

and it’s scary.  because i’d really, really love to even be considered for this job.  it would give me something to look forward to.  and then maybe i wouldn’t be walking around with all these confused thoughts 24/7.

I’ve been wondering a lot about this summer and the implications it’s having on my emotional status in life. I was reading through some past entries from last summer and after realizing how much I went through then, it’s hard to believe how much more confusing my life ahs gotten since then.

I’ve never had a job as stressful as mine is. And I’m not a person who gets stressed over jobs, especially when they aren’t my career or have anything to do with it. I used to think that my job had some potential over my impending career in broadcasting or whatever the hell it is I hope to get into after school’s over, but now, it’s become quite apparent that I’ve gotten sucked into performing at a job I hate with no positive reprocussions over any other aspect in my life.

I’m becoming bitchy at work, annoyed and no longer the happy, easy-going person I once was. I’m being thrown in an array of angry parents, disgruntled employees, disorganization and utter chaos. I don’t know how to deal with any of this because it’s really not even my job, it’s really not my problem, but somehow I’m being forced to fix everything, deal with everything and sometimes I just don’t think I can handle it.

I get paid a lot for what I’m “supposed” to be doing, for a student, and for someone who makes her own hours. But despite all that, despite the utter need for those paycheques every two weeks, despite the need to stick it out and continue my quest to get out of debt entirely, despite all that – I really want to quit.

The boss I like told me today that she’s probably going to be quitting tomorrow, and it seemed pretty definite. And I’m really scared for this impending occurance as I’m going to become the “new her” and I don’t want to. At all.

How can I quit? How can I quit a job that pays me well, allows me to book much needed weeks or weekends off and still get a good paycheque for the week? Where am I going to find the flexibility for that? I won’t. Yet I still believe that if something isn’t done about it, and soon, I’m pretty much going to go nuts. Or completely turn my back on everything I’ve ever been: nice.

The backstabbing, betrayal, coverign your own ass – it’s getting to be way too much. I can’t control anything and I really have no idea how to. But as of tomorrow, that’s going to be my new job, fixing everything.

And I don’t know how the hell I’m going to be able to handle that.

I love long weekends for the fact that it makes the week go by so much quicker once you get back into the swing of things. I’ve already finished all my classes for the day and it’s 3 PM. Love it. And tomorrow, my brillant Intercultrual Communications teacher didn’t plan a class because people usually “don’t come on holiday weeks”. Sounds pretty retarded to me, but who cares, it’s a three hour class I don’t have to go to, making my long day start at 10 and finish at noon tomorrow. And after Thursday, I’m done. A fabulous week.

I start my first day at work today. Did I mention? I got a job. I’m working at a rec centre doing I’m not entirely sure yet. As everyone was asking me this past Thanksgiving weekend.

“Oh, that’s great, you got a job! What are you doing?” They would ask. And I honestly couldn’t tell them. I’m working at a rec centre was all I could muster. And even then I’m not sure if that’s exactly what it even is.

Tonight’s the staff meeting. So I’ll go to that and possibly get some inside information about what’s going to be paying my rent for the next year. Hopefully it’s something I’m going to enjoy, because visions and fantasies of what I’d do if I win the McDonald’s Monopoly game have encompassed my thoughts beyond normalcy. And it’s making me want to buy more McDonald’s which is not a good thing for the waistline.

It’s funny how fast the time is flying this summer. The weeks seem so long, but then all of a sudden it’s Friday again and another has finished. It’s almost time for me to register for the Fall semester at school and I’m actually excited about it. I have all my courses mapped out and chosen and it seems like I’m going to have a full and interesting year.

Every morning when I’m driving with my dad to work, I can’t help but notice the people who are waiting for the bus or TTC. The other day, this woman carrying this huge, and I mean huge, Louis Vuitton carry bag. Now this was a particularily long light and I couldn’t help but wonder what the hell this woman was thinking. The bag didn’t match anything she had on and was definitely too big for her body. But the part I was really puzzled by, was the fact that there’s no way the thing could be real. For one, it was one of the designs that are at least $2000 US and she’s bringing it on the bus with her. So it led me to believe that obviously it was fake because why the hell would a woman who has enough money to blow on a $2000 US bag be taking the bus? Which then led me to think why the woman would purchase a fake for the fact that it would be obvious that it were fake due to the fact that she’s taking the bus?

Confusing, yes. But it’s enough to keep me up in the morning on the way to work.

The things I think would show up on here if I start bringing my journal with me to work.

I can’t believe it’s already Saturday morning and the week’s gone by this quickly. I am a little hungover today due to the fact that last night K and I hosted a surprise party for B’s 20th birthday. Complete success. She didn’t suspect a thing.

I just got back from breakfast with my friend J from the cottage and our “summer boss” from the Georgian Grill. I got the call at 11:45 am to be ready in 10 minutes. They’re coming back soon to pick me up for a little casino fun before I have to go to work tonight.

Working. It sucks. But it’s gotta be done. Which sucks even more.

Maybe, if I go to the casino and play the 5¢ machines, I’ll win the jackpot and then, and then, I won’t ever have to work again.